There’s Only One Joke In Here

Newly appointed Newcastle United Director of Football Joe Kinnear has given a telephone interview with Sky Sports News which can only be described as amateurish and will come as a great to surprise to Magpies boss Alan Pardew.

In the nine minute long interview, which contained the odd misplaced expletive, the former Wimbledon manager outlined his intentions to completely overhaul United’s transfer policy.

“I’m in charge of transfers and looking at strengths and weaknesses of the side that we’ve got,” he declared.

“I intend to make Newcastle far better than they are now, that’s for sure. 

“If I see players at the club right now and I believe they’re not good enough to be at Newcastle then I’ll move them on,” the 66 year old said in no nonsense fashion.

The Toon Army did come perilously close to losing their Premier League status last season for what would have been the second time in five years; since the season in which Kinnear’s ill-health lead to him resigning amid a triple heart bypass.

All that is behind Kinnear however and he claimed that he was “as fit as a fiddle now” and had turned down various managerial jobs in the lower leagues because “I felt I’d gone past that.”

This must be the feeling for current boss Alan Pardew whose managerial exploits two seasons ago earned him association with the then vacant England post as well as a spot in the Europa League, where the Magpies reached the quarter finals last term. 

Such progress and stability on Tyneside earned Pardew time and led him to him being rewarded with a staggeringly long seven year contract.

Despite an increasingly Gallic themed squad recruitment policy (ten Frenchmen are based at St James’ Park), the rug has been pulled from under Pardew’s feet who must cringe in embarrassment  when his new Director Dictator of Football claims that: “I know I’ve got more knowledge than most people at Newcastle as a football manager.”

Knowledge doesn’t necessarily translate to wins however, and Kinnear’s eclectic managerial experience which includes spells at India, Nepal, Doncaster Rovers, Luton Town and Nottingham Forest only boasts a distinctly average 32% win rate; some 10% worse than Pardew.

Kinnear also confessed in the interview that he had never been in charge of a side that had been relegated, forgetting his time at Kenilworth Road in which the Hatters were relegated to the fourth tier in 2001.

Few would blame Pardew, who won the 2012 LMA manager of the year award, for moving away from the north-east in a dignified manner and letting the 1994 winner do better.